Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
