Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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