as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
