so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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