beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
