I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
