Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
