Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
