Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
