Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
