a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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