You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
