My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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