He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
