So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize