i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
