a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
