the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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