why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
