no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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