i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
