How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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