I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
