New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
