I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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