Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone shattered a urinal.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
