butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
