If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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