carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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