You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
