I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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