the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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