I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
