9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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