a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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