lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
