my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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