dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
