Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
