I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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