The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
