She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
