Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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