R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
