The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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