Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
