it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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