i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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