I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
