garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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