I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
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I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
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I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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