Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
