Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
