We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
