Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
how does that bad decision feel?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
