i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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