I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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