I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
