can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
