how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
