we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
