I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
