If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
