Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
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