I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
