I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
