You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
