im drinking this country out of the recession.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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