Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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