I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
