how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
