Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
