u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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