I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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