so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
