Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
