now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
