She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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