I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
