i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
