i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
