just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
