Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
