I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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