My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I intend to get homeless drunk
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
